I. Did. It.

I made the decision to quit my job and pursue my creative dream.

Rewind to a few months back when my husband (we’ll call him Ralph, cause that’s his name) confronted me about my unwillingness to follow through with anything I set out to do. Not trying to air out my dirty laundry here – but he’s right. I’m a chronic starter/stopper.

I came up with an idea for a children’s book and pitched it to anyone who would listen. Everyone thought it was a great idea and that’s as far as I got.

A few months later I drafted up a list of greeting card and t-shirt ideas. I bought card stock and markers to get the ideas on paper and even searched a few wholesale clothing websites before I gave up because writing the ideas down was my favorite part.

The most recent creative endeavor was a pilot that I started writing after one of Ralph’s friends came to visit. He was cracking me up with the details of his crazy relationship. I usually take to journaling when someone shares a story that I don’t want to forget, but I felt inclined to take it a few steps further and dusted off my screenwriting software that I hadn’t used since college. I sat on the couch for hours, typing away and giggling to myself. I had so much fun. The next day I couldn’t focus on work. I spent every free moment coming up with ideas and adding dialogue and details.

And then I got writer’s block followed by feelings of inadequacy. Coincidentally, and quite conveniently, for the part of my brain that specializes in giving up, Ralph and I found a house after almost a year of hunting. All of my time and attention shifted to packing, moving, and renovating. Work picked up and even when I found a free moment, I used it to work on crossword puzzles or some other such nonsense.

Cut to a September night a few weeks after my birthday. Ralph and I sat in our living room and I honestly don’t remember how the conversation got started, but my guy dropped a bomb. He told me that everyone in my life believes in me and that I refuse to make a move. I do remember something along the lines of “you don’t follow through” or “you don’t finish anything.” The children’s book, the greeting cards and the unfinished pilot were metaphorically sprawled on the table in front of me and I had nowhere to hide. I probably cried. He held me and he reassured me and then he held me accountable. He gave me the night off and then lit a fire under my ass the next morning. He stood over me as I made a phone call to one of the hiring managers for the writer’s rooms.

The call went well, but no promises were made and I vowed to let the universe take the wheel. A few weeks later I got an email from a woman that I had worked closely with and she heard from someone that I was a “writer.” Lol. She said she wanted to get together and talk about writing. So we did! We talked about it for hours and she gave me the pep talk of a lifetime. Without reading a single word of mine, she pushed me to do whatever makes me happy. She poked holes in all my excuses and I realized that the universe was at play. I asked the universe to take the wheel and it was steering me in the direction of something scary and uncomfortable and the start/stop queen (me) was like ¨nah, I should definitely do payroll for the rest of my life.”

That night I got two minutes of sleep, probably. I smiled into the darkness of my bedroom and envisioned myself actually loving my job. I probably cried again. I’m a crier, what can I say? Ralph was super supportive, of course. I’m confident he used the words “fuck yeah.” It was freakin great and I promised myself that I would follow through.

The next day I sent an invite out to my coworkers for a wine and cheese night at my house. A few weeks later they came out and I let my bosses know of my plan. They were so stinking supportive that I didn’t even know how to feel. Insert cry fest. I announced that my last day would be 12/17 and I fucking did it. I quit. And on the morning of 12/18 (Ralph’s birthday) I had a “what the fuck did I just do” moment and I rode it out because the deed is done. Nowhere to go but forward.

I should say that I don’t have an official plan. I got COVID for Christmas and I’m riding it out (thank goodness for mild symptoms). I just want more joy in my life. I want this year to mean something. I want to get out of my own way. This is the year of inspiration and creativity. If you’ve been meaning to move on something – do it. Allow me to lovingly nudge you in the way that Ralph nudged me.

This post is a thank you letter to my wonderful husband and to everyone in my life who has been telling me to pursue my creative dream. Your love and your belief in me is EVERYTHING. I promise to not let you down (something I’m saying to myself every day). Ugh, crying again.

10 thoughts on “I. Did. It.

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  1. I can’t wait to see what comes out of that magnificent brain of yours. The talent is definitely there. I truly believe this will be the year that magic finally happens. 👍❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I hope you know we too believe in you too! I wish you could see how talented you are!! Lots of love from your favorite mother-in-law 😘💕

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