Conflict.

Hello, my name is Erika and I avoid confrontation at all costs. It’s a huuuuuuge problem for me because it also means that I’m terrible at setting boundaries. If someone says or does something to make me feel uncomfortable, I choose to wallow in the misery that it causes rather than deal with it in a productive way that would, probably, make me feel better. 

I also have a fear of pissing people off. I’m as sensitive as they come and any type of unrest in my relationships sets me into a full-blown panic. Most of the time – I’m making the conflict up in my head, but it doesn’t make it any less real for me. 

The strangest thing is that I don’t think I was always this way. Somewhere along the line, I lost the gall to speak up and defend myself. Don’t know what the catalyst was, but damn you, catalyst! 

I’m a chronic apologizer – even when I haven’t done anything that requires an apology. I like to clear the air all the time and it makes me frustrated with myself because sometimes I want an apology or maybe even deserve one (immediately feel guilty for saying this, but I’m leaving it as part of my personal growth). 

Here’s the worst part – I bottle it all up! And every bottle gets full, honey. When my bottle is finally at capacity – I have a tendency to explode over something so trivial, which can make the person on the receiving end of my explosion think I’m nuts.

Instead of speaking up at the onset and saying something like “Hey, please don’t say that. It hurts my feelings” or “Can you not do that?” – I wait. I shove it down. I swallow it. And around the fourth or fifth offense from the same person, I lose it. Cork goes flying and I scream something like “WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM” or I run away and ugly cry. 

Aaaaaaaand then I’m really embarrassed, I feel terrible and I apologize profusely without ever explaining how I got there in the first place. If it sounds like an excruciating process – it is. But don’t worry! I haven’t given up hope and neither should you. 

I believe that with a little practice I can become an advocate for myself – my own best friend, really. 

Warning: I’m about to make a list. If you’ve been following my blog, you know your girl loves lists. 

Ways to become a better advocate for myself: 

-Don’t say yes to everything

-Limit hangouts with chronic offenders of my boundaries

-Remind myself that people’s opinions of me do not define me

-Practice ways to politely express that a boundary has been crossed

-Ask people who are really good at managing conflict how they’re so damn good at it! 

-Take your vitamins, girl 

-Breathe 

-Forgive yourself for not being the best at this yet and keep on swimming. 

If you’re a conflict avoider – you are not alone. Maybe this list can be a starting point for you too. If you’re a boss at handling conflict – bless the comment section of the post. 

Buzzkill: One of my followers recently told me that in order to comment or like my posts – you have to have a WordPress account. Laaaaaaaame

Feel free to comment on Instagram, if that’s easier. @ez_thewhothewhat

Happy Saturday! Much love and appreciation. 

2 thoughts on “Conflict.

Add yours

  1. Erika!!!! First of all I love reading your blogs!
    Definitely can relate on everything you listed. For me, I am still struggling saying yes to everything and always trying to please people. And forgiving myself for not being the best. It’s something I have been struggling with for many many years. I’m learning to say NO and not feel guilt about it!! I am my own worst critic. “Omg did I do this right? Am I making good choices in life? Will this ever get better? When will I get my break? I’m coming to learn I must love myself first and be happy with myself in general in order to overcome the issues I struggle with.
    Definitely working on it!! But we all want instant gratification and that doesn’t happen unless you put in the work yourself.
    Just my 2 cents lol!

    Like

    1. Anthony!! What a pleasant surprise! I’m so happy to hear you read my blog and that you’re learning to take care of yourself. You 100% deserve it. Thank you for reading, thank you for commenting, and thank you for being you. Sending you hugs! I hope you’re doing well. ♥️

      Like

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