Are. You. Listening?

If you check my e-book library you’ll find titles like:

“Body Kindness: Transform Your Health from the Inside Out –and Never Say Diet Again” by Rebecca Scritchfield 

“Gratitude Journal: 52 Journal Prompts to Celebrate Your Wonderful Life” by Elizabeth N. Doyd

“Healing Childhood Trauma: Transforming Pain into Purpose with Post-Traumatic Growth” by Robin Marvel & Bernie Siegel 

If you look at my vision board you’ll see quotes like: 

“Your voice counts!” 

“Do you.” 

“It’s not hard. It’s just new.” 

“Work hard. Stay down-to-earth.” 

“Live life pain-free” 

If you follow my Instagram – you’ll see pictures of me smiling and videos of me laughing and being a goofball. And that’s totally me! I am a goofball. I love to joke. I love to make people laugh. I love to see you smile! Yes, you! 

But I struggle. I feel insecure. I worry that I’m not where I’m supposed to be in my life. 

Lately, I’ve been struggling with my fitness. I used to be a runner. I say “used to” because I’ve sustained a few injuries that have put me on the bench. I guess I was a runner for fitness, but I mostly just loved being outside and listening to music. I loved the feeling of my feet hitting the pavement and watching the miles in my running app climb and climb. I miss training for races and crossing finish lines. I miss the sense of accomplishment. I miss not being hurt. I miss the tone in my legs. I miss that version of myself.  

I know I’m supposed to make lemonade and I promise I will, but I’m going to keep it real for a second. I get angry sometimes. I get really bummed out about how these injuries have changed my life and my view of myself. The running issue quickly becomes a self-image issue. I worry that people will notice that I’ve gained some weight and they’ll think less of me. My brain goes down a rabbit hole and I forget all about the books, the quotes on my vision board, and the happy moments. There are probably some tears and moments of self-loathing. There are definitely feelings of hopelessness. 

And then there’s a light. And the light is me and all of the new knowledge that I’ve gained by working on my mental muscles instead of my leg muscles. I’ve adapted to this new version of myself and I’m learning something that runner me never had – patience. I know that my body just needs a little TLC and before I know it – I’ll be back on the road. I’m chewing my way through this dry-ass humble pie and I’m certain there’s a glass of non-dairy milk waiting for me at the end. 

I’m a firm believer that there are no mistakes in life. Mark Manson said “Happiness requires struggle. It grows from problems. Joy doesn’t just sprout out of the ground like daisies and rainbows. Real, serious, lifelong fulfillment and meaning have to be earned through the choosing and managing of our struggles.” I choose to see this time in my life as a lesson in patience. It’s a lesson that I desperately needed and am so grateful for. If something in your life is hurting you or making you angry – what is its purpose? What is it trying to tell you? And are you listening?