Quality. Not Quantity.

Scroll to the bottom for a vlog version of this post.

Growing up as an only child, I struggled with being alone. I didn’t know this at the time, but I longed for someone who understood me and my life experience. I could never grasp why the people around me with siblings didn’t get along with their brothers or sisters. I wanted so badly to have that kind of connection. I clung to friends at school, to my cousins, and to the adults in my life. I clung so tightly that I think I may have scared some people off. 

I had a few friendships that fit the bill and I didn’t even know to appreciate them because I was so busy trying to make a million friends that I neglected and took for granted the friends that didn’t require so much effort. I had friends that loved me for me and didn’t need me to be someone else.

I have sought deep connections, but I haven’t been picky about who I give the privilege of my friendship. Genuine friendship and kindness are absolutely a privilege. It takes time and energy to give of yourself to another. After hours and hours of giving – you pray for sweet relief. You hope that someone will notice that you need the same kind of friendship in return. Your reservoir quickly runs dry and you’re left feeling empty. You may even feel a little embarrassed for having given so much of yourself.

I’ve had to learn to take a step back and to evaluate people and myself. I’m actively working on this. One of my new year’s resolutions was that I was going to stop being an active seeker of friendship. Universe, take the wheel. Bring to light fruitful relationships. Show me the real ones, baby.

What a wish! And what a dream come true. As if by magic – friendship flowers have begun to bloom. I find myself surrounded by such beauty. All the people who care and who want me to succeed are in my corner in an incredible way. And they’re not showing up by the millions, but they’re showing up. It feels good to be seen. To be heard. To be cheered on. It’s the connection I’ve always wanted and I’m not taking it for granted this time. 

Take inventory today. Give thanks for all of those good friendships. Send a little love text to the people who have your back. 

If your friends/siblings/cousins: 

Allow you to be yourself without judgment 

Respect your feelings

Enjoy spending time with you 

Are loyal

Are willing to be honest with you – even when they know it might hurt a little

You’ve got yourself some winners.

Now, it’s totally possible that you have a shit friend in there. To quote my mom whenever I would complain about a bad friend as a kid, “kick them to the curb, man.” You don’t need that in your life. Less friends is better than bad friends. Quality. Not Quantity. 

Hugs to you. Have a great day!

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